Barry F. Zito

I play in a weekly head-to-head points based fantasy baseball league.  On Sunday, I was locked in a very close matchup and I was presented with a quandary:  a.) start Barry Zito or b.) bench Zito and receive zero points.  Trust me, I very nearly decided not to start Zito, because, well, it’s BARRY F***ING ZITO. But I let the numbers compel me: 2.94 ERA in day games with .195 BAA versus 5.16 ERA at night, 3.27 ERA in home games versus 5.66 ERA in away games, and 2.84 ERA against San Diego versus 4.79 against everyone else. This game was at home, during the day and against a SD that had just been no-hit and whose lineup was barely recognizable. All the signs were saying “start him”, and like a chump, I did.  Result?  A 10 hit, 9 run explosion for NEGATIVE ten points.  I know that you may not know the exact scoring system of my league, but you can probably guess that -10 is, um, not so good.  I mean, I am SOOO STUPID. WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRUST BARRY ZITO? I have only myself to blame, but in case you are also dense like me, whether in fantasy or real life, NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER TRUST BARRY F***KING ZITO.

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