– I don’t want to talk about the All-Star Game. Every year I talk about how bad the selections are, how there are too many relief pitchers selected, how there is too much emphasis on small-sample-size-first-half performances, how the one-player-per-team minimum sucks and how the rosters are too big. Whatever. It’s like the Bush administration; you complain and complain but then eight years go by and nothing has changed.

– I don’t want to talk about worthless records. Zach Greinke becomes the first pitcher in 95 years to start three consecutive games (thanks to an ejection and the all-star break)…and pitches poorly in all three games. And he is now missing his next start due to “fatigue”. So what the hell was the point of starting him in three straight games? Morons.

– I don’t want to talk about umpires. I may have been on the fence before about the use of replay in baseball, but the cornucopia of terrible calls this year from umpires proves that these men are way too human and should be replaced entirely with machines. Two examples:

This was a ridiculous and completely emotional ejection by the umpire. He threw out the Brewers’ best starting pitcher after FOUR pitches and completely changed the entire game. A machine would never do this because a machine does not feel emotion. (Note that I am talking about non-sentient machines. A Transformer like Ironhide is notoriously hot-headed and would probably not be a good umpire. Starscream would also be a terrible umpire. But of course this is a moot point, because both of these individuals died during the 1985 animated movie, and Michael Bay is dead to me.)

This one the umpire eventually got right. But he sure looked stupid. And with two outs and two strikes in the 9th inning, he looks even stupider. But as stupid as he looks (and that’s pretty stupid), this was an honest mistake and one he immediately rectified. In my opinion, the bad call in the Brewers-Astros game was much worse, and the umpire that threw out Greinke should have faced severe sanctions for his abuse of power and loss of temper. What do you think?

– I don’t want to talk about R.A. Dickey. It has become apparent to me over his last few starts that he is not the second coming. I am disappointed.