Day: June 11, 2014

Mike Trout – WAR Machine


I can’t stand it when parents become over-proud of their children.  Every good development is totally overblown.  “My kid’s head size is in the 99th percentile!”   At the same time, every negative thing gets glossed over or explained away.  “Well, my kid may have gotten a D- in that class, but the teacher had it out for him.  We all know he’s a genius, because he has an enormous head.”

This is how statheads think about Mike Trout.  He’s their baby.  To them, it’s a foregone conclusion that Trout is simply the greatest thing since sliced bread; any attempts to criticize him will be met with rancorous rage.  I’d almost rather deal with telling a parent that their kid is smart but not that pretty, than asking a Trout defender “hey, this guy is really good, but why does he strike out so much?”

Trout’s a great player, no doubt, but why are the nerds so obsessed with every little thing he does?  Wins Above Replacement (WAR) is the preferred stat of statheads, and Mike Trout racks up WAR like no one else in history.  Seriously, sometimes I think that Trout could spend an afternoon mowing the lawn and still rack up positive WAR. Statheads love Mike Trout because he gets WAR.  Or…maybe Mike Trout gets WAR because statheads love him?

The synergy between Trout and WAR is nearly perfect.  Almost too perfect.  Which leads me to the ultimate conclusion that Mike Trout is not a human being.  He was constructed in a garage somewhere by an army of statisticians.  They also created WAR at the same time, then unleashed both upon the world.  So Mike Trout really is their baby.  Their gigantic robot baby.  So don’t say anything bad about Mike Trout.  There are a lot of Mike Trout daddies out there.